I started reading Harry Potter kind of by accident, as one picks up any book. It wasn’t really like I knew what it would do for me. I was about 17 when I read the first book, and about 22 when the story finally sank inside me. I wasn’t really sure why I loved it so much, I just knew it saved me. I needed something at that point in time to feel…to feel anything. And it gave it to...
On My Planet
I love The Little Prince. It’s my favorite book. The thing about The Little Prince is that each planet represents a person. An archetype. A type of adult. And The Little Prince’s planet represents the child, I suppose. Or maybe the author. Or maybe the reader. The point is, the Little Prince teaches us one very important, essential thing. And the thing with that, is that we are all...
You talked about future plans.
You always talked about future plans, when you wanted to hide. *Poof* A cloud of smoke. And you were g E T E N o R D n P I ...
And instead of running into my arms,
you ran past them and to the telephone.
If you feel your heart is breaking
then maybe it shouldn’t have been made of glass to begin with.
If you would've asked me about school...
I am in my second and last year at USM getting my masters in Spiritual Psychology. Except there’s not so much psychology and more study of the human mind, soul. There’s a lot of handholding and crying. And by the end of it, you will have refined your spiritual and emotional tools to fix your life. Case in point, this year’s homework: Life Project: This gives you a chance to...
One time our science teacher (I went to a tiny high school) asked us to design our dream house so that we could practice using actual measurements or something. I don’t remember what the assignment actually was, I just remember being allowed to design whatever I wanted as a dream house. Immediately my mind went to a Disney vacation my family and I took once where we went to the Swiss Family...
"I'm an atheist
that believes in God.”
El hombre que yo amo tiene algo de niño
Day 29 – A song from your childhood I remember trying to catch lizards with my hands. I remember birthday parties and split pea soup, a stubbed toe and my father teaching me how to braid for the first time, like the sailor he is, on basically the only barbie I ever owned because My Little Ponies are where it’s at don’t you know. I remember listening to the radio with my nanny, and...
Que tengas tiempo para mi
aun cuando se te haya acabado el tiempo.
She'll tell you the truth when you're not...
So make sure you’re always listening.
Last names are made famous by sons
The bird’s wing was scratched and bloodied but he wouldn’t give her a bigger cage because he loved her so.
"I just want to know why you hate me"
she asked the mirror.
There was cement everywhere
but still no sign of where they had buried the body.
I just want to disappear into whatever it is I'm...
and not feel the doubt and panic ever again. Or was I just supposed to spend my life looking?
There was a picture of her clavicle. Her big blue eyes and dark eyelashes behind thick strands of hair looked away from the camera, and she was gorgeous and she knew it. I hated her for it. I hated her because my beauty was mediocre, and I fought to accept it, to love myself. Yet she was the epitome of what society thought beautiful —young, fit, toned…gorgeous —and she dared ask...
Yell, scream and shout
Day 27 – A song that you wish you could play I didn’t ever think or know that I would one day consider myself a singer. To this day, I always feel a little weird when I tell people that I’m OK at singing. Never allowing myself to say, “yeah, I sing well”. In part, it all comes down to the simple fact that I don’t want anyone to disagree with me. And seeing as to...
Well I had a dream the other night when everything...
Day 26 – A song that you can play on an instrument I laid on the hammock playing my harmonica feeling like I was connected to some cosmic parallel universe where all artists, dead or alive, would hang out. I suddenly felt a tiny percentage of what a musician might feel like. I understood the power behind creating music. But a guitar still did not appeal to me. I figured I could learn the...
I beez in da trap
Day 25 – A song that makes you laugh I didn’t even understand adulthood until I was one, whatever that means. I was terrified of it, and my sloppy stumbling through the gaps of teenhood while transitioning into adulthood was being illustrated publicly by none other than yours truly. There were blog entries, Myspace then Facebook statuses, and whatever other media I could get my hands on to...
There are nights of absolute unrest as I mock my own existence. Unease is cloaked in sheep’s clothing and I do not recognize it until it has crept up on me and it is too late. I am unsure of everything, and yet I hold on to the things I do know as if they mean something, pretending not to know better, perhaps fooling no one. Perhaps they turn a blind eye. Perhaps I do too. I have made a cage...
I forgive you.
One time I dated this guy…he was the first person I felt like I wanted to marry…my first love…my first a lot of things, including my first and last heartbreak. I cheated on him, we’d break up, then he’d come back and ask me out and I always said yes. Finally he broke up with me and stopped asking to come back. I loved him for a year after that, asked him to stay in...
The Two Of Us A Perfect Fit.
Day 23 – A song that you want to play at your wedding “What are your views on marriage?” “I want to get married. Not anytime soon, but I do want to do it.” “Same here.” We’d been dating for something like a 3 weeks but this was a conversation we felt was incredibly important. Our relationship took off like many relationship do, fast and furious, and...
The Places You Have Come To Fear The Most.
Day 22 – A song that you listen to when you’re sad My therapist once said…I hate starting sentences like that. You know. I’m one of those people now. My therapist once told me that the reason why I couldn’t think straight was because my brain was in “flight or fight” mode. A lot of the stuff she said didn’t click back then, and we’re not seeing each...
All you need.
Day 21 – A song that you listen to when you’re happy I was infuriated, and swiftly thereafter, a bit embarrassed. A million times before I’ve read and seen the thousands of articles of hate crimes. I never watch the videos —why anyone ever would is beyond me. But I read the articles. I stay somewhat in touch with things, without letting it anger me. I don’t want to be...
A dragonfly, being a caterpillar.
Sometimes I feel like I grow and evolve so fast, I give those that are closest to me whiplash. Other times, I feel like I didn’t change at all. Or like they didn’t see it. If they don’t see it, did it still happen? And many times…I feel stagnant. The same. A scared little girl in an alien planet. I can feel my selfishness like a snake crawling up my arm. A pet snake that...
The way you play your game ain't fair.
Day 20 – A song that you listen to when you’re angry One day I was mad at Zack and put “fuck you” into the last.fm search bar to see what kind of music would pop up. And that’s how I heard Ceelo’s “Fuck You” for the first time. Now I love the song. “All I need is money. If I have money, I’ll be OK”. They tell you money can’t buy...
Was it love or fear of the cold that led us...
Day 19 – A song from your favorite album “It’s because I’m a Hufflepuff.” “A what??” “A Hufflepuff. OK Harry Potter, right?” She laughed. “No listen. He goes to a magic school, but the school is also British, so it has houses. The houses are kind of like fraternities or sororities. They’re like teams. Each student is sorted into a house,...
The answers you seek you will never find at home.
Day 18 – A song that you wish you heard on the radio “This song makes me think of you.” I told him. I’m not sure why. I don’t know why. Maybe I was projecting on to him. It’s no secret (at least not to me) that I feel very at home when around the LGBT community. I haven’t (Knowingly) been around a transgender person physically, but I’ve been...
There's a Fire Starting in My Heart.
Day 17 – A song that you hear often on the radio “And at that moment I swear we were infinite”. A quote from a book I’ve never read, but I’ve seen so many times, it rings true to appropriate moments. “All the nights just run together” he said. I thought so too, but not the way he meant it. It’s running in a group you’re not a part of, but...
Aunque sea falso el aire, siento que respiro.
Day 16 - A Song That You Used to Love But Now Hate There is no way to talk about this story in a way that doesn’t tear through me. It still hurts. It still makes my heart stop, I still fear the name. One day I’ll understand why. Until then… This song.
This Is A Happy End
Day 15 - A song that describes you. What if no one is right? What if there is no Heaven, Hell, or reincarnation? What if there is no “nothing” what if there is no soul, what if there is no going back to the stars what if there is no going back to the dirt? What if everyone is right and no matter what you do, you end up exactly what you believe will happen to you anyway? Then no...
And I wish you the best of luck, dear.
Day 14 - A song that no one would expect you to love. I’ve never really had a type. But there was a type that I liked. Looking back, if you take all the boys I used to really really like —you know, not the ones you love, but the ones you looked at and they made you want to bite your lip— and you put them all together, it’s really nice to see that they ended up...
Hate to Love it.
Day 13 - A song that is a guilty pleasure. “I still can’t fully believe you watch this show.” I kept playing my game as Zack folded clothes while watching Gossip Girl and I tried to make sense of what was going on. He smirked at me. “Gotta watch my stories.” I laughed “GOD, I know. The whole damn show is so flaky. You can’t trust ANY of the...
Where Is The Love?
Day 12 - A song from a band you hate “What’s the deal with everyone hating Nickelback?” “I don’t hate Nickelback.” “Well…the internet does.” I was trying to figure out what band I “hated”, and a conversation I had already had a few times before popped up. My mind, for some reason, went to Nickelback when I tried to think of...
Love that will set you free
Day 11 - A song from your favorite band “The Beatles are my religion’ Oh I like that! I’m going to put that up as my status as well” I got a lot of positive feedback for that. But then when people want to put on a Beatles song and sometimes I’m just not feeling it. Because they’re not necessarily my favorite musical group. But they are my favorite band. I...
Dreams of Dreams.
Day 10 - A song that makes you fall asleep. “It’s like, if I don’t move my legs, my entire body will just start spazzing. I don’t know how to explain it.” “Like Restless leg syndrome?” This wasn’t the first time it happened. For 10 years of my life I had tried to explain what I felt to people, and they would look at me like I was trying to...
Is it cuz I'm black?
Day 9 - A Song That You Can Dance To “Look in the mirror, you’re white”. I looked at her completely stunned. Someone in science class had said something embarrassing, which I’d responded by taking my fist to my mouth and saying “Ooooooh, Shame!” A, who was sitting next to me scoffed. “Did you just say ‘Shame’? Look in the mirror,...
Day 8 - A Song you know all the words to. Best friend. It’s gotten to the point where any close friend is a best friend really. Andres, who I wrote about before is a best friend. So is Jean. And Sarah is so much a best friend we call each other sisters. That sums up Florida. Then there’s Catherine, who has been one of the people who has known me the longest, which is quite a feat...
On 9/11 and Patriotism.
I didn’t get it. I remember being there and being sad as shit for people who had been affected by it because their family/friends had died or been hurt by the tragedy. I understood the pain, it was obvious. But I didn’t “get” the depths to which it reached. In my head, people were acting like an act of war had never happened ever anywhere and suddenly it had and it was on American soil...
I feel like I am surrounded by people that simply...
But there cannot be so many…so many people…that don’t understand. So then I think that maybe the one that isn’t understanding is me. But when I listen to what they’re saying…it just makes no sense. The message makes no sense. The logic makes no sense. The reason for the logic makes no sense either. So then I think that maybe the answer is to stop trying to understand. What’s the...
In the Spanish I speak (which is mostly Colombian but sometimes Dominican and sometimes I don’t know which word comes from where) there is an expression: “Hacer cariñitos”. As in, “me haces cariñitos?” or: “le estaba haciendo cariñitos” which I guess literally means “do/make cuddles”. It puts cuddles as a noun instead of a verb. In American English, cuddle is mainly a verb. However the...
1. As this program has an Emphasis in Spiritual...
Spiritual: The act of embracing our calling as humans to understand ourselves as more than just that: humans. What I hope to gain from the program is insight on how to go about embracing the fact that I am human and probably will still want an iPhone by the end of the year, all the while gathering the tools I need in order to heed to my own spirituality and learning to use them. Then, passing...
(A small break from the 30-day challenge) I conserve my childhood in any way that I can. I try to do everything that is asked of me in, shall we call it, the “adult” world…pay bills, get a job…love your pet and feed your boyfriend. That’s the order, right? I discovered Harry Potter when the second book had already come out. It was one of those, “alright,...
I can't hide and I just can't fake it.
Day 7 - A song that reminds you of a certain event. It was the last summer of my childhood days. I was 18 and about to graduate. I had chosen being in Hair over going to prom. I had auditioned for the role of Christine who did not have a solo because I was not about to sing in front of a bunch of people, thanks. I had to sing in front of a bunch of people. Our singing teacher gave us a CD with...
They are the best friends of all time --OF ALL...
Day 6 - A song that reminds of you somewhere It was the summer of Kanye. Actually, it wasn’t. It was just…summer. The never-ending summer that is South Florida. I had gone back under the pretense that two male friends were going to save me from myself. Shortly after I moved there, my friendship with male friend #1 disintegrated, and my friendship with male #2 blossomed. He is now...
Somebody More Like Myself.
Day 5 - A Song That Reminds you of someone. It should be noted that just about every song reminds me of someone, but because I know some others will be written about other days, I choose to write about this person for Day 5. Like a lot of my friends in Florida, I heard of them through Jean before I actually met them. But nothing that I heard about this particular fellow could have prepared me...
And don't you know that it's just you.
Day 04 – A song that makes you sad We are both known for being drama queens. Our entire family has intense tendencies. However she has an emotional strength that I could only dream to achieve in a few more lifetimes. I’m probably a little stronger than I give myself credit for. But not like her. Maybe it comes with being a mother. It was the winter of our lives. Never had our family been...
Tangled up in blue.
Day 3: A song that makes you happy. I saw myself on the screen and felt myself flush red. His cast-mates were all making fun of the fact that before going to sleep, Zack would turn on Skype every single night and we would fall asleep making sure we could see each other. It worried me. Who else was making fun? Did it look bad to the producers? Was this hindering any advancement in his acting...